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Acceptance




Some articles lately have referred to COVID-19 along with the stages of grief, and that we need to be at “acceptance” now. Two months into it, I’m finally there.
As unsettling as the empty parks were, now I’m getting anxious as people start coming out in groups thanks to both the warming weather and the unfounded belief by many that re-opening means it’s all okay now. It’s definitely not all okay. I’ve accepted that this virus is here and it’s not going away anytime soon.
I still keep having trouble creating a daily routine, but some of the anxiety has lessened enough to allow my COVID brain to be able to start reading and watching some digital content again. I’ve been drawn to mysteries and police procedurals, which I always loved, and that tend to show up on public television during the summer months. It may not be summer yet, but keeping track of the days is a challenge, so why not pretend it’s summer? Focusing on who the killer is and why they did it is a better distraction for me than Tiger King.
One routine that has been helpful has been the online experimental film class. I still feel like a duck out of water at times, but I like the nudge to create, and especially something a bit away from what I had been doing.
I was rather pleased with the last two weeks short sketches (again, one shot, one minute, no editing). The response to the class from two weeks ago utilized the curtains we put up earlier this year, and that I’d noticed in the late afternoon serve as quite the proscenium to the too-close-to-our-house pear tree. The neutral color of the drapes, along with the tree's shadow, serve as a lovely distraction that I’ve grown to look forward to. Adding a glass reflector abstracted and enhanced that show.
This past week’s sketch highlighted the new solar Christmas lights my husband hung. With the stay-at-home orders, there have been calls to place stuffed animals in windows for children to see, as well as putting up lights and other decorations. The lights on their own were rather static, but shot through the textured glass on our front door, along with a moving flashlight and a lightly playing hand bell, they were transformed into something else entirely.
A few of the participants mentioned how that short film had made them feel safe, portraying a welcoming quality, like a lighthouse. At the time, I wasn’t really sure what I wanted out of the shot. I was trying to add some energy and movement. Not wanting to startle either my cat or my sleeping husband late at night, I kept the bell rather quiet. Looking at the footage later I saw my COVID mind quite clearly – trying to make sense out of everything that is constantly changing, confusing, and opaque, being distracted by nagging worries and fears, and looking for some calm and comfort along the way.
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