I rather belatedly
saw the front-runner for Best Picture of this year’s Academy Awards, Three Billboards Outside Ebbing,
Missouri. When the film first came out, I heard mixed responses, and put off
seeing it. I did find it curious that it seemed to have staying power that
other films weren’t having, even without special effects and explosions.
Immediately after seeing the film I liked it more than I thought I would. Even
more interesting is that I keep thinking about it. I’ve seen all the other best
picture nominees this year, and while I enjoyed them all, this one I think will
last with me the longest.
On the surface,
the film seems simple – a mother has had her young daughter raped and killed,
but no one has been arrested. She can’t get answers, so out of frustration she
rents billboards reminding the community of what happened and asking the
sheriff why no one’s been arrested. Instead of rallying around a grieving
mother, the whole town tries to silence her, yet she won’t back down.
I don’t have
children and have fortunately not been sexually assaulted, but the film stays
with me. Granted Frances McDormand, Sam Rockwell, and the rest of the cast are
amazing. I’ve admired Martin McDonagh’s writing for years, but that’s not it. I
think, knowingly or not, McDonagh tapped into a deep-seated rage from women
that’s been waiting to get out for a long time.
It’s not
surprising that protesters have mimicked the billboards visual finger-pointing approach against various politicians, both in the U.S. and abroad. I still
think the staying power has more to do with the concept of a woman alone going
against a system that’s failed her, with no one who wants to listen to her.
Timing is everything, and there could be no better film than this one for the #MeToo
movement. In some ways the fact that McDormand’s character wasn’t the victim
herself of assault or harassment makes it all the more powerful, and all the
more likely to get under your skin.
I think most women
know this situation all too well. When the #MeToo activity starting exploding,
my husband asked me one night if I’d ever experienced anything like what was
coming out in the media. At the time I felt both lucky and guilty to say that I
hadn’t. My shyness, and at times awkwardness, along with way too much time
spent pining over unavailable men, had kept me safely at home more nights than
I’d probably care to admit. Most places I’d worked at had been toxic on some
level, and while I’d witnessed inappropriate situations over the years, I’d
been spared that added level of horror to deal with.
However this film
did remind me of all the times as an employee in my early years in non-profits,
which always were headed up by men, but full of competitive female employees,
where I ultimately felt dismissed, powerless, and emotionally traumatized by
male superiors. In neither case were they of a sexual nature, but in both places
there was no one to report the situations to who could or would help. There
were some powers-that-be from the organizations who knew of problems with these
men, but weren’t ready to take action. So, yes, I do understand what Frances
McDormand’s character felt like when she decided that she’d had enough and wasn’t
going to let them shut her up. I just wish I’d been as brave as she was rather
than just moving on to another workplace.
My story isn’t any
different or even close to being as harrowing as many of the other #MeToo
disclosures. What it shows is that we’ve been living in a society where men are listened to, believed and valued, while women aren’t. Most of us have figured a way to
navigate and get on with our lives, but haven’t challenged the system for fear
of what it might do to us. That’s caused a whole lot of resentment to build up.
A number of people
keep asking why now for the #MeToo movement to explode and take down so many
powerful men. It doesn’t take a lot of thinking to realize that this all began
after Trump took office. I cried myself to sleep the night of the election,
fearing what he and Pence would do to my rights as a woman once in office. Just
like with the stages of grief, women seemed to have gotten past the shock and
are moving on to anger and reconstruction. A podcast I recently heard called it
“horizontal action.” So far the sexual allegations against Trump haven’t done
any good, so women are finding legitimate targets that can be accessed, and taking
action.
We women have been
shut up for far too long. It’s time we raged for a while.