Reflections on films, politics, and everything else.

What a difference a week makes, and not in a good way. Everything going on feels like déjà vu. The most important question is: will anything come of the unrest this time, or will we all just quietly go back to our old lives? When Trump became president, I mentioned to my husband that I thought he’d send us into a new civil war, and it looks like that could be happening. I, obviously, wasn’t the only one with that thought; there were plenty in the far left media who were bringing up what a divider on every level this man is, and not just on race. It’s been anxiety-producing living close to downtown and hearing police choppers fly overhead, then seeing the barricades and boarded up windows of shops and restaurants already hurt by the pandemic. Experiencing a militarized police is scary enough right now. The thought of Agent Orange sending in the military to bring about what he considers law and order, even though he had no trouble with white protesters carrying semi-automat...

If COVID-19 is producing the stages of grief for most of us, then there should be a sixth stage by now – aggravation. I certainly don’t support the small, but loud, group of protestors, as I think states and cities have reopened too soon. We’ve already lost 100,000 people and surely won’t have a vaccine any time soon, regardless of what Agent Orange claims. For me it’s just the daily annoyances of what the new reality is that’s beginning to drive me crazy. While many of my fellow citizens are choosing to chuck their masks, I’m still holding firm. But now that it’s feeling like summer in the Midwest, even walking around in a mask is fairly unpleasant during much of the day. Yesterday, on a trip to the pharmacy I went through the drive-thru, and luckily noticed before leaving that there was an error. It seemed to make sense to me at the time to actually go inside, but that, I found out, required not just the mask, which I was already wearing, but also I’d ne...

Two months ago, when the seriousness of the pandemic finally hit Ohio, I didn’t know how I’d fill my days with so much closed. There were fitness and leisure companies offering their website’s paid content for free, but I couldn’t seem to be bothered. With the weather turning warmer, I went out on long walks. I tried buying a few crafting kits at JoAnn Fabrics online, but they sold out before I could go pick them up. Maybe embroidery and latch hook just weren’t meant for me. The one thing I did connect with was Creative Mornings virtual FieldTrips . I had never used Zoom before, but now two months later I’ve been on probably a hundred of these sessions. I did follow-up with what seems like a more knowledgeable dermatologist, who prescribed a face cream that is helping my skin condition slowly, and hasn’t sent me to urgent care. Still, I’m a bit sensitive about how I look, so have alternated between the standard black screen on Zoom with my name, sometimes the full name, other times...

Some articles lately have referred to COVID-19 along with the stages of grief, and that we need to be at “acceptance” now. Two months into it, I’m finally there. As unsettling as the empty parks were, now I’m getting anxious as people start coming out in groups thanks to both the warming weather and the unfounded belief by many that re-opening means it’s all okay now. It’s definitely not all okay. I’ve accepted that this virus is here and it’s not going away anytime soon. I still keep having trouble creating a daily routine, but some of the anxiety has lessened enough to allow my COVID brain to be able to start reading and watching some digital content again. I’ve been drawn to mysteries and police procedurals, which I always loved, and that tend to show up on public television during the summer months. It may not be summer yet, but keeping track of the days is a challenge, so why not pretend it’s summer? Focusing on who the killer is and why they did it is a better dist...

So much of what I used to do still isn’t available. That’s not a complaint. I don’t plan on protesting, as I feel Ohio, while making restrictions, has been pretty generous (maybe too generous) as far as being able to get out and about. Most of us wouldn’t have survived China, Italy, or the UK’s real lock-downs. I have found other ways to fill up my days, but not necessarily all that productively. There have been some virtual film festivals that I might not have been able to attend that I was still able to either see the films or watch interviews with the filmmakers, which has been a nice upside to this insanity. Mostly, though, I just feel stuck. That’s not anything new for me. I tend to stay stuck (in the past it was in toxic workplaces) until I just can’t stand it anymore and have to do something. I’m trying to find that something . There are two experimental sketches this time. The first illustrates my stuckness , or the pauses so many of us are enduring. The s...

Our state’s stay-at-home order, that was put in place back in mid-March, will expire on Friday. In essence, the governor has extended it, with some staggered loosening to begin. I both understand why, but also feel some tugs of frustration, wanting this to all be over. I’m certainly thankful our Republican governor doesn’t subscribe to the “Party of Stupid” mentality so many others, especially in the south, proclaim as the American way. I think it’s the loss of control over what we’re able to do that hit so many people so hard. There have been articles in The New Yorker and podcasts that have talked about how China was able to so quickly, after initial denials, get the virus under control (even if their published numbers may never be accurate). I can’t imagine Americans willingly doing what their citizens did to stop the spread; we are clearly not sacrificers. Here in Ohio, Governor DeWine first announced this past Monday that when retail operations opened back up in a few...

Like many of us, I haven’t been very productive lately. I tried signing up for Coursera classes, which have been a mixed bag, but also haven’t spurred me on to do anything. Creative Mornings is now offering Zoom fieldtrips, but I’m beginning to feel meditated out. I finally managed to finish reading a book, but Emily St. John Mandel’s apocalyptic story, Station Eleven , may not have been the best choice right now. Granted the book didn’t become a Hollywood disaster/zombie film (thankfully no zombies in the book or in real life yet), but it added to my melancholy. I tried to convince myself that reading about the worst/or quasi-worst outcome (99% of the population dies due to the swine flu in the book, and within 48 hours of developing symptoms) would make what we’re dealing with easier somehow. Instead, I keep thinking we may end up like that outcome thanks to our incompetent and impatient government. I’m still spending too much time on Facebook posting anti-Trump articles to ...

Normally I don’t think of myself as a panicky person, but I do have the ability to pick up on what’s in the air, which causes me to behave in ways I might not otherwise. Generally it’s only a problem around the holidays, but things are very different now for all of us. While I’d read about COVID-19 and heard stories on podcasts earlier in the year, it didn’t dawn on me that it was coming to my area until mid-March. I’d been having some health issues, which there seem to be no answers for anytime soon, and was distracted during late February and early March. I went to my gym on Thursday, March 12. By then most colleges and universities in the area were closed, along with a few major retailers like Apple. I thanked the woman at the desk for being open, which caused her to immediately panic, asking if I’d heard anything. I assured her I hadn’t, and we briefly chatted wondering if her play and my classical concert would occur that weekend. When I went back to the gym on Friday, M...

As a teenager, I loved the mall and couldn’t wait to go there each weekend to see what was new in the stores, but as I grew up I began going less and less. For a lot of malls around the country, others were clearly doing the same thing. Due to issues that developed with my skin, I began mall walking at a nearby mall late last year. This was not a dying mall, yet I was surprised at how many people went there early in the morning before most of the stores opened to get some exercise, read the paper and drink coffee from one of the cafes, or meet up with others. In some ways it was a true community gathering spot. I didn’t go everyday, but often enough to see familiar faces, such as an older Chinese couple walking with their daughter, some fast moving women my age, an older man who got coffee at the Nordstrom café and would be carrying his small dog in his arms, and then the mothers with their strollers doing zumba. These scenes and activities became part of my routine until COVID-...