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Blind Devotion


When I was young I hit a rock in our yard, trying to reenact the bible story of getting water from the rock. My mother thought it was so cute, yet for me at that age it proved what they were telling me in church was just stories. I didn’t have faith or what I see now as blind devotion. I tried to pretend to believe to make it easier to survive in my family, but by the time I’d reached teenage status, I was done. By then I’d seen my share of hypocrisy and double standards, as well as corruption by national so-called Christian leaders.
I think this inability I have to just blindly go along not only affects my choices on spirituality, but all areas of my life, including politics.
When I first registered to vote as a senior in high school in Florida, it was as an Independent. I remained that when I moved to Kentucky. When I voted, I either protested by write-in (Bill the Cat and Opus in 1988) or voted Democrat. I proudly stood in line to vote for Bill Clinton in 1992, but by 1996, having moved to Ohio, I didn’t even bother to register. The amount of scandals, investigations, and chaos of the Clinton presidency revolted me. At times I almost believed Hillary that there was a vast right-wing conspiracy out to get them, but then I also wondered if there’s smoke isn’t there generally fire?
I guess that’s my way of saying that even though I agree with Democrats most of the time, and have never voted for a Republican (surely Bill the Cat and Opus were progressives), I won’t just go along with bad decisions and actions they’ve made. I think that’s some of my disappointment now living in Ohio is that they don’t offer Independent status, you’re either Democrat or Republican once you vote in a primary. For me, I have a great deal of frustration and outright contempt for both parties.
I voted for Obama twice, because I thought he was the best choice (and Sarah Palin terrified me), yet he thoroughly disillusioned me rather quickly. He was not as progressive as I wanted to believe he was, which may have been my own mistake, and the media’s portrayal of him. I wanted to support Hillary in 2008, being still upset at my father for registering to vote in 1984 only to vote against Geraldine Ferraro as Vice President, but she never grabbed me. In my view, she was an even worse candidate in 2016, shooting herself in the foot almost daily. I voted for Bernie in the primary, but due to Trump Fear, I held my nose and voted for her in the general election.
What’s interesting is that I find more Democrats, especially progressives, are able to see their candidates for what they are, and are more likely to call them out on it. That’s not what I see from Republicans in this eerie era of Trump.
Just this weekend I listened to a bipartisan podcast that was changing their format, which, instead of their usual one Democrat and one Republican, had two Republicans countered by a moderate Democrat. I couldn’t finish listening to the show. The interesting thing to me was that neither of the Republicans are rah-rah Trump supporters, yet both spewed the same Republican talking points on impeachment you hear on Fox. One, even with some pushback, wouldn’t admit Trump did anything wrong (!!!????!!!??), yet he claimed that Bill Clinton’s impeachment was different because Bill lied under oath (about consensual sex). That comment produced the only laugh I had during my prolonged yelling at my tablet. The other guy kept going on about how he couldn’t support impeachment because of the process (eye-roll, please) and how the Democrats were out to impeach Trump from the beginning. Of course, that comment also reminded me of the Clinton era, where it really did seem like the Republicans were out to damage or get rid of him by any means necessary.
I’m not saying Bill Clinton was innocent. Twenty years later and the addition of #MeToo has made me fairly creeped out about him and I would like he and Hillary to exit stage left (how many surveys from the Democratic National Committee do I have to fill out saying that I emphatically do not want Hillary to run again in 2020?). Still, I find it insane that an Ohio attorney could find what Bill did eligible for an impeachment inquiry, but not what Trump did.
Perhaps this confirms that I’m not as loyal as Republicans are to Party, but I think my stance is by far more patriotic than the Republicans just go along and get over it attitude.

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